Relocating with Children: They’re in School. Now What?
Relocating with Children: They’re in School. Now What?
Stress; tension; constant worry. For parents relocating with children, finding the right school is one of the greatest pressures of the move. But once the child “gets in” the issue often is forgotten in the frenzy of visas, moving homes, leaving aging parents, and pets. In order for a child to thrive in school, parents should be aware of the ongoing issues a relocating youngster has to deal with. Many concerns can be anticipated and planned for; in other cases, simple awareness can go a long way in mitigating potential problems.
This article addresses questions that relocating parents should be thinking about – as well as strategies for a smooth transition.
1) Social issues:
“Will my child make friends?” is a question we are always asked.
There are many reasons that making new friends may take time – some of which may be surprising to parents. As the examples below indicate, understanding your child and being patient – rather than infecting your child with your own anxiety – is critical to an easy transition.
Example 1: Loyalty
Unlike parents, who worry whether their child will make friends even as they consider an overseas assignment, a child moving to a new location may not be thinking about making new friends at all. Often children are intensely loyal to their friends back home and may not be emotionally available at the start to develop close relationships with peers in their new school. If children seem reluctant to make friends, parents should speak with them to find out the source of their hesitation. If loyalty is the reason, parents can encourage an open minded attitude by letting them know that new friends do not replace old ones. Children can be comforted by a parent who assures them they can remain in touch with friends back home through email, letters, phone calls and visits – while participating fully in their new school as well.
Example 2: Personality
Children have their own unique personality styles. Some parents worry about their introverted child when it is the extrovert in the family, who appears on the surface to adapt well, who has the most difficulty adjusting. Introverts are comfortable in their own company. Sitting for weeks in the school cafeteria watching the other children may not bother them. They simply may be observing to decide who will be a suitable friend, and then make friends for life. Extroverts, on the other hand, typically need to be in the company of others and may struggle more during the transitional phase. This can lead to embracing inappropriate friends at the outset, perhaps moving through many social circles until they feel comfortable.
Strategy:
Replacing the comfort of friends back home with an uncertain new environment can be far more difficult for parents than it is for the child. Parents should be attuned to each of their children and not forget that the one who seems settled may not be.
2) Academic issues:
Will my child be challenged in their new school?
In reality, schools in most countries cover the same basic subjects, but the sequence in which they are taught may vary, as may the philosophy embedded in the instructional method. Rather than addressing only the need for challenge, parents should compare the curricula between the home and host schools – at least in the basic subjects.
Most often when children are ahead in some areas they indeed can benefit from enrichment. But these same children may be behind in other subjects, or simply may not understand expectations at the outset. The latter is actually the more serious issue because children who fail to master certain “building blocks” may find that subject challenging for years to come, and can suffer from self-esteem issues when they later struggle to learn more advanced material.
Strategy:
To prepare a child for the vagaries in sequencing as well as differences in teaching approach, a parent should first research the educational system and curriculum the child would be expected to learn in his/her new school – as well as the assessments scheduled for the upcoming year. Global Education Explorer (www.Globaleducationexplorer.com) is a great source for this information. Parents should take note of need for challenge and address that, but also recognize that even very bright relocating children may have difficulty in school if they have not yet been exposed to prerequisites. Once a parent can anticipate where a child will be ahead, behind, or simply unfamiliar with expectations, they can supplement school work with tutoring (extra tuition), classes via distance learning, or request a teacher or a buddy from the school to help the child enjoy new opportunities.
3) Parental involvement:
Will I be expected to volunteer in, or devote significant time to, my child’s new school?
Some cultures expect that families will become an integral part of the school community. In fact, I have heard school administrators in some countries say they are “accepting a family, not a child”. In other cultures, an invitation to come to the school would signify a problem.
In many countries, parents may be expected to join the Parent-Teacher association, volunteer for events, accompany the class on school outings, serve as “class parents,” arranging parties and teacher gifts. In cultures where parents maintain a significant level of involvement with the school it is not uncommon for them to arrange an appointment with the head of school to request (or non-request) a particular teacher, or, certainly, to maintain ongoing contact with the teacher to discuss their child’s individual progress and problems, academic, social and disciplinary.
In other cultures teachers are considered the professionals in charge of their classrooms. Parents are not expected, or, in many cases, welcomed in the school except on rare occasion. A progress book may be sent back and forth from school to home, but personal contact is rare. Sometimes a concert or school ceremony would be an opportunity for a parent to enter the school building. In some cultures a parent would not even expect to come to school for a concert, and would interpret an invitation to come to school as problem with their child. For families that draw a clear line between school and home, severe discomfort or embarrassment can accompany an expectation of parental involvement.
Strategy:
Before entering a new school culture, parents should make a point of obtaining information about both curriculum and educational customs from as many sources as possible. These may include the school, other families, or even social networking groups that are available among some school parents. Alternatively, they can have their children contact former or current students from their own culture to discover the norms in the host country to prevent surprises.
Although some parents may resist unfamiliar educational conventions, a genuine attempt to develop an awareness of, and in some cases conform to, local practices can help the child make a smooth adjustment. In addition to facilitating the transition, only by learning to navigate the system can a parent be confident that their child has the academic experience, relevant special services, and social opportunities that are necessary to thrive in his or her new school.
Conclusion
When a relocating child has been admitted to the school of choice, this may not be the time to breathe a sigh of relief and move on to other aspects of the move. Differences in social conventions, academic sequences and parental involvement are only a few of many issues that may interfere with a child’s experience, even at the right school. Doing one’s homework and thinking globally are the best ways to make sure that all aspects of a child’s school experience are aligned to ensure that s/he will flourish during the assignment.
By Elizabeth Perelstein, School Choice International
