Moving Children Internationally: Parents concerns
Parents concerns
When moving children internationally, parents have many concerns about their education.
Here are some questions we encounter frequently and tips for helping parents think about them:
What do we do if we aren’t accepted at our first choice school?
The competition for places at schools in some locations is intense and it is important to be realistic about your child’s chances of success. Admission depends on the number of spaces, time of year, as well as his or her personal qualifications compared with the pool of applicants. It is wise to keep your options open by applying to a range of schools. If you feel it is essential that you enroll your child in an independent school, you may have to apply to as many as ten schools in some locations, and be patient as the process unfolds.
Getting In:
You should always make sure to have a safety school that you would be comfortable having your child attend. Often parents may feel negatively about a school that is both available and possible for their child to get into – and yearn for one that is unattainable. However, it is important to visit schools that do have places, speak with current and past parents, and learn as much as possible about them. Above all, remember that what works for someone else’s child may not be what is right for your child. The only way to judge a school is based on personal experience.
Word on the Street:
School reputations can be very different from the education they offer – generally because educational practices and personnel change much more quickly than reputations.
Create Alternatives:
If you have explored all options carefully and your original top choice truly is the best fit, but no places are available, consider reapplying to the school the following year when your child is more settled. In our experience, children generally end up at the schools which suit them best but it can take time. It is important to keep a sense of perspective so that you do not transmit to your child your feelings of disappointment about his/her current school. Although parents may feel anxious about moving children again, those who have moved once typically find it easier to assimilate the next year as they are familiar with the process of starting over.
What do we do if only one of our children is admitted?
It depends why. Some schools only accept children based on merit, and the child who is not accepted may not have flourished at that particular school. In this case it is advantageous to find a school that suits her/his needs more closely where s/he will thrive. Although having your children together is convenient, no child benefits from constantly being in his or her sibling’s shadow.
If it is purely a question of space, however, your consultant and the admissions director will be able to determine whether a vacancy is likely to become available later in the year and whether being patient is the answer.
Even if one child is not clearly stronger academically than the other, there may be psychological advantages to placing each child has his/her own school. Your consultant will always be available to help you consider your options and to decide whether or not to continue searching for a school that will accept both children and whether to search for an alternate school for the unplaced child.
What are the implications of signing a contract with a school?
Read the contract before signing it.
Recognize that you will be bound by its terms. In the UK, families commit to schools by the term, and one term’s notice must be given if a family wants to leave a school without financial penalty. In New York City, once a parent has signed a contract with an independent school, no other school will consider the child, even if they are on a waitlist and space becomes available. The family is committed to a full year’s fees even if they leave the area. International school contracts throughout the world offer varying degrees of leniency, some provide no tuition the variation between contract terms in different locations and schools, it is essential for companies and families to be familiar with the contracts signed in order to avoid major monetary losses in the event of a mid-year transfer or, simply, if a child is not happy.
In financial times where schools are not filled to capacity, however, it may be possible to negotiate more favorable terms before signing a contract.
Transitions
What do I do if my child hates the school?
It may help if you speak with the teacher and administrative staff before the child begins a new school. You may want to explain the transition that your child has been through. Except in international schools, teachers may be unfamiliar with the effects of relocation and may not understand what relocating children are experiencing. With a little coaching, they can become supportive and assist the child’s progress through this process.
Once a child begins school and struggles with the transition, keep in mind that transitions take time. Don’t panic if your child doesn’t settle in instantly, although you may have to fight your parental instinct to jump in and do whatever you can to ameliorate the situation immediately.
If signs of stress persist, speak to the teacher to see if your child is struggling academically or socially. If there is a problem with learning, find out whether or not it is related to the move. Ask the teacher what kind learning support is available – either at the school or through outside resources. If the issue is social, strategize with the teacher as to how your child can make friends or cope with unpleasantness. Many schools have a school psychologist who will be able to give you strategies for helping your child adjust. All schools should have an anti-bullying policy and be able to tell you what it is and how they implement it.
It is important to keep your perspective that this is a natural part of the process and, indeed, an inevitable part of growing up. As painful as it is to watch, keep in mind that it is an experience that your child will learn from. Develop an alliance with the school rather than treating teachers or administrators as adversaries. Other parents are your best resource for learning how to approach the school effectively rather than alienating school personnel.
What do I do if my child is so homesick s/he refuses to make an effort in the new school?
Homesickness is common but paralyzing homesickness generally does not last long. Staying in touch with old friends is much easier today with inexpensive phone calls and the internet. Encourage continued contact but set limits to make sure your child also is making new friends. Elicit the help of the teacher to stimulate your child’s engagement in school and in extracurricular activities where s/he can meet children with common interests.
It is always helpful if a child understands that acclimating to a new culture is a process, and that there is nothing wrong with him or her if s/he experiences highs and lows. First comes a honeymoon phase when everything and everyone is wonderful; this is followed by a period of disenchantment when everything about the new culture seems negative and hateful. Finally, there is a slow emergence into a more balanced, accepting view of the new culture. Explain to your child that everyone adjusts at a different pace but it does happen eventually.
What do I do if my child is not at the popular table?
This is a tricky one. We all want our children to be happy but the unavoidable reality of relocating is that we do disrupt our children’s friendship groups and then introduce them to a new environment where friendships already have been established.
When you are visiting schools, ask what orientation procedures they have for new children. Some schools have a buddy system so the new child receives peer guidance for the first few weeks; others have a constant flow of international children so there will always be other children in the same situation. Arrange play or tea dates so your child has the chance to interact with a variety of children until they discover those with whom they share common interests and can become lasting friends.
Most importantly, be patient. It takes time to integrate into a new life but it does happen and children are often quicker to acclimatize than are adults. When your child is struggling through the phase of being unknown in school, do not despair. Don’t relive your own painful childhood experiences and share your feelings with your child. This will only exacerbate his or her sadness. These times may be difficult to go through and to observe, but they are opportunities during which children can learn important life skills about how to make transitions, how to assess and pick the right friends, how to be independent and to understand their own needs and personalities.
What do I do if my child is excluded for being foreign?
Go and see the school immediately and express your concern. Exclusion is a form of bullying and the school should have clear ways of dealing with it. Encourage the school to explore different cultures in their curriculum and daily lessons and offer to come in and talk about your culture with the other children. Whether or not the school assists you, it is wise to provide your child with intensive instruction in the language of his or her peers, and to learn as much as possible about the educational culture in advance to help him/her feel comfortable and avoid embarrassment. Global Education Explorer (www.globaleducationexplorer.com) is a wonderful tool to help parents and children understand the new curriculum and educational customs.
Academics
What do I do if my child doesn’t do as well academically as s/he would have if we’d stayed at home?
A child may not do as well academically in the short run but may improve in the long run. At the outset, children may not understand the teacher’s directions or expectations may be unfamiliar and unclear. It is important to keep communication frequent both with your child and the teacher to ensure that problems don’t escalate and become harder to resolve.
If a child’s academic performance continues to decline, it can be because the new teaching style may not match the student’s learning style, because of emotional difficulties with the adjustment, or simply because they are at a different age and developmental phase. In the latter case your child’s performance may well have changed even if you had remained at home. It is important for parents to try to work with the child and school to identify the root of the problem and address it from the source.
There are times when performance is on par but the grading system may differ as a result of cultural differences. For a child moving from a country with “grade inflation” to one where teachers grade more realistically, the child may perform similarly but receive lower grades for the same work. If this is the case, parents need to recognize the superficial nature of the performance decline and explain it to the child. It may become a problem when repatriating so it would be wise for the parent to ask the head of school to put together a document describing the grading system which can be sent along with applications to schools at home or on the next move.
What do we do if my child is out of step academically when we repatriate?
There are cultures to which it is extremely difficult to repatriate, and those where it is easier. If you are coming from a culture where repatriation is difficult and you are not very adventurous, it may be wise to try to keep your child in a national school when you move abroad so that s/he can study your home country curriculum.
An alternative is the international baccalaureate program, which can be found at the primary, middle and degree levels in every country worldwide. This degree is accepted and respected by universities globally and, if you know you are on an international career track, your child can continue on with the same curriculum independent of country.
If national schools are not available or are full in the area to which you are moving, you may have no choice but to enroll your child in a local school. It generally is possible to speak with the school your child is leaving and the school you anticipate s/he would attend on repatriation to obtain curriculum materials. These can be used to prepare him or her for repatriation either after school, or during summers, particularly during the last half year before returning home.
If you are parents who want your child to embrace the overseas experience without marring it by studying two curricula, it is alright to allow him or her to fully experience the time abroad without worrying about repatriation. When you return home it is possible to look for a school that has had experience with children who have moved from other countries whose teachers will help your child adapt academically and socially.
When a family makes a decision to move internationally parents need to begin to redefine education as something broader than schooling. There is no substitute for firsthand experience with people of different cultures, learning languages through total immersion, or the life skills brought about by the actual transition. Once parents reflect on the true value they are giving their children through an overseas move, the different school experience is an acceptable tradeoff.
Provided by School Choice International
